Friends

Posted on July 23, 2010
Filed Under Opinions/Gossip/People | 4 Comments

BY EDITOR SHAUNA SKYE

I’ve been thinking about friendship lately. What is it? How many different levels of friendship are there? How close do you need to be to someone to consider them a friend?

On Second Life we have people on our “friend list” but we barely know them; and yet we often refer to them as friends. I think the friend list could more accurately be described as “people I allow to see me login and out” since most are barely on the level of acquaintance.

Someone said to me recently that it looks like I have friends. While it’s true I am friendly with a lot of people, I do not have many deep friendships. I am kind to people, and even have a bit of fun and banter. I know people by name, I have a laugh, but a friend for me is something more. This is not to say I don’t appreciate friendly acquaintances on a lighter level.

Real friends, the close kind, are hard to come by. I do believe I’ve had them at times in my life, though such things as marriages and distance can separate us from those we care for. An ocean between people does not take away the fond feelings, but I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have a friend I could talk to fairly regularly the rest of my life.

When people start listing qualities they want in a friend, one of the first they usually say is “I want someone I can trust.” Of course that is important. Who doesn’t want someone they can trust? But I feel it is equally important is to have someone who trusts me. I don’t have a list of qualifications I want a friend to conform to. Sure it’s nice to hangout with people who have things in common with me, but finding someone else who likes all the same things does not guarantee a deep friendship. I must admit though, some of my best friends and I got together initially because we loved the same music.

I have a friend that I’ve had numerous arguments with. There have been times I think “this is it” that there is no chance of reconciliation. However, one way or another we end up friends again. I don’t hang out with them much as we tend to gravitate toward different people, and our views on how some things should be can be different . . . and yet, I consider them a real friend. I had to think about why this is, and realized it’s because no matter what has happened, they usually believe the best of me, and no matter how bad the argument has been they are willing to be friends again once we cool down. If I had a bag of cash I would let this person hold onto it for me–and this is how they feel about me.

I have known some fun people over the years and had different levels of friendships. Some friends I have known all about them and their lives, but they have known very little about mine. Not because I hid things from them, but because they never showed an interest in knowing about mine, or I thought they were not of the right temperament to hear about it. I liked them just the same though.

Recently I parted ways with a friend. I care about her, and still believe she was a real friend. Whatever misunderstanding or disagreement there was could have been fixed since we usually got along so well. I think what happened was a “storm in a teacup” as they say, but when another person got involved, that little storm turned into a tornado. I still think she’s a good person though, and wish her only the best.

On a different note, I try not to hold grudges. I prefer to have peace if that’s possible. If someone has done me wrong and sincerely apologizes I will almost always forgive them. Likewise I am quick to apologize when I have done wrong, even if I did the wrong without meaning to. Sometimes we hurt others unintentionally.

Many things can affect friendship: distance, too much time apart, one person changing and the other staying the same, one side having romantic feelings and the other not, competition, misunderstandings, etc. But overall, I think friendship is a great thing. It makes our time on earth more pleasant. I do wish friendships could be more permanent sometimes. I mean, people move away, people grow apart, or a falling out happens. Maybe I should just enjoy the friendships for the short time, knowing the only thing that’s permanent comes when we move into the third life.

Note About the Pictures: The first is Magdalena Bing and I. That hideous light makes us look like freaks, but the picture still makes me laugh. In the other picture I’m standing with one of my best mates, Talulah Vella. Outwardly she’s a demon, but on the inside she’s a peace loving hippie.

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