The Big Quiet

Posted on April 21, 2009
Filed Under Opinions/Gossip/People | 9 Comments

Contributed by Paypabak Writer

The Big Quiet is what I call what happens when a Second Life friend fades away and you never hear from them again. I haven’t talked to anyone who has been in SL a decent period who doesn’t immediately know what I’m talking about. You just wonder and wonder . . . did something terrible happen?

I have friends who have seized up at the keyboard while inworld and the terror felt by those with her is nothing one can call “virtual” . . . It’s only in degree that if a friend or lover is no longer at the keyboard that the seeming deliberate lack of explanation carries the effect of a slap.

Sure, people have ISP issues sometimes, but there are PCs in local libraries that can help one get the word out in a pinch. The silence continues past a point where it could be simply an ISP change. You look at his or her profile to see if anything has changed. And I’ll be damned . . . is that a new group joined? or did I just not notice that before?

Sometimes there’s conflict and it’s no mystery why the Big Quiet has drawn a curtain between avatars. But when it just seems like . . . poof! gone! the Big Quiet just settles over every area of vulnerability you never knew you had along with those you know all too well.

Was it something I said or did?

I can think of many legitimate reasons why someone has to leave but is there really a reason to be abrupt . . . to leave no word behind? Somebody share that with the rest of us who are crying, okay?

Once the Big Quiet grows past a certain period, the worries go away and a feeling of betrayal forms. Someone leaves thinking nothing of the holes in hearts left behind. It taints the memories of love or at least the good times. Someone recently just confessed that she has stopped peeking at the profile of the one who can’t be bothered to break the Big Quiet.

I’m here to tell you . . . it doesn’t have to be this way. Wherever hearts come together, there is accountability.

So here is to the beloved ones who leave and let it be known, who know what the price of “playing in Second Life” comes to and says, “I don’t mean to hurt you, but . . .” Yes, it still hurts but the tears now have the power to heal. Bittersweet is a taste that can be savored in memories that have power in our hearts, whereas the Big Quiet is just bitter and leaves wounds to fester.

Here are some other blogs that have recently dealt with the second life of emotions that helped me put this difficult message together.

Visit on the Web

Do you live online?

Love via Newsweek

How to save the world

Comments

9 Responses to “The Big Quiet”

shauna on April 21st, 2009 8:08 am

You’re right, Pay, most people experience the Big Quiet at some point if they’re involved with Second Life. If you think about it the same thing happens in RL too; it just happens to be easier in SL for someone to get an alt, not login, hide, etc. It sounds like someone has done the Big Quiet on you. You need a hug, Pay? You know how to reach me.
paypabak writer on April 21st, 2009 11:16 am

Thanks, Shauna! Actually, my most recent experience was of the other kind, where the love of my SL life told me she just wasn’t going to be in SL or Plurk or any of the virtual places we would hang out. Not easy to read but much better than the deafening sound of the Big Quiet. I wrote this in deep appreciation of that forthrightness.
Sharine on April 21st, 2009 11:43 am

I’ve experienced the Big Quiet twice and it’s a terrible, terrible feeling. One is obviously still around but doesn’t want to make contact. The other one is just gone. Don’t just go away silently, at least tell us what’s going on!
Fianna on April 21st, 2009 5:43 pm

Good article Pay! I haven’t experienced this on a personal level but I have many friends who have. *hugs you*
Kim on April 21st, 2009 8:03 pm

It hurts but fades over time….I still think of Emerald and feel the pain. But I also know of all the people that love me and are there for me…..

You are one of those people Pay, love you so!!!
Carley on April 22nd, 2009 2:27 am

Pay. Great post. Even if you “play” SL as a game, sudden disappearnces or unexplained lengthy ones can play havoc on your friends. Please provide as much reassurance as possible before going on a walkabout. From someone who has been on both ends of the equation from time to time.
Peter Stindberg on April 23rd, 2009 8:48 am

Odd timing for this post. Very odd timing. Seems to be the season for thoughts like that.
madame on April 23rd, 2009 11:43 am

before the *Big Quiet*most of the time had been many hints,……………..perhaps we didn ´t recognized them…………….
paypabak on April 23rd, 2009 2:11 pm

I think Carley made me realize that I could be guilty, too! I think about some friends I’ve dropped from my list … but that’s a two-way street isn’t it? I never heard from this person and so the name is just something I scroll past while looking for someone else. Harsh but true.