5 Tips For Making Friends in Second Life

Posted on December 11, 2009
Filed Under Newbie Help, Opinions/Gossip/People | 2 Comments

Contributed by Shauna Skye

I met a lady the other day who tried Second Life a few months back. She said she only lasted a couple of days when she first logged in because she couldn’t find anyone warm and friendly. Wherever she went people hardly noticed her. If she attended an event she might be greeted initially, but then felt pretty ignored after that. Because of this she didn’t come back to Second Life for several months.

I’m no expert, but I do have some tips for people who feel like this lady. At one time I could see myself showing up somewhere and leaving if I was ignored, so these tips come from experience. Hey, I’m human. I may still leave a place if I’m totally ignored, or if I just don’t like the vibe–but I’m not quite so hasty as I used to be.

1. Find a place where you share some common interest with the people.

C.S. Lewis said “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” To increase your chances of finding people to talk to, search for places that are about something you’re interested in. It can be anything, from a love of The Beatles to a fondness for a geographical location. Going to a place you’re interested in gives you something intriguing to talk about should you meet someone, and you’re more apt to say “What? You too!”

2. Do not wait for people to greet you. You initiate the conversation.

In an ideal world if we show up somewhere people will greet us and be thrilled to see us. In Second Life, as in real life, this is not always the case. People can be preoccupied with a number of things such as being in IMs or multitasking between windows. Many might be cooking dinner and only glancing at the screen, having it on for the music. Other people might be flirting, while still others are just shy and listening rather than being vocal themselves. It’s usually nothing personal if people do not give you a lot of attention. While it’s true that some people form cliques and behave in ways that make new people feel like outsiders, most do not do this on purpose. If you go somewhere and the people are nice, give them time to get used to you.

3. At an event, show your appreciation to the hardworking staff.

If you have lindens tip or donate when appropriate, especially in smaller places where tons of other people are not already giving. This is not buying friendship. This is an action that says “I appreciate the work you are doing here!” It shows respect to the owners of the place, who often spend money out of pocket to keep a place going, and those working there who put time and effort in. If you have absolutely nothing to give that’s ok. Sincere compliments when they are deserved (emphasis on sincere) are another way to show appreciation. For instance, if you tell a DJ they are playing great music and you really mean it, that lets them know they are not just spinning tunes for their own ears.

4. Give it time.

Want to know the best way to make friends with me personally? Sure you do. It’s quite simple really. Just start hanging around me! Yes, I’m that easy to make friends with. You finally found the secret formula. All you have to do is follow me around (ok not literally), be in my vicinity on a fairly regular basis and let me get used to seeing you. Unless you’re somehow offensive or incredibly boring it’s inevitable we’ll become friends. (Ok, this is not always true. There was this woman once I sat next to for nearly a year in Liverpool sim, and we didn’t have two words to say to each other. And yet, if we happened to run across each other now we’d still say hello just because we got so used to seeing the other there.)

Here’s my point. If you’ve just arrived at a place don’t expect to be treated the same as someone who has been there for two years. After you’re there a while people will start to warm up to you. They will recognize you, and eventually expect you to be there. Aside from my Toastie, who I became instant friends with and started hanging out with immediately, all of my other friendships took some time. One of my closest friends is Magdalena Bing. She and I didn’t speak much at first, and you’d never have known back then that she, Marianne Shan and myself would form the Penny Lanes. At that time Magda didn’t even think I liked her! Now? I think of both Magdalena and Marianne like the sisters I wish I’d always had. It took a little time to warm up, but if you see us now it’s obvious we’re cut from the same cloth. We fall into the “What? You too!” camp of friendship, as we all love the Beatles and share similar taste in fashion.

5. Do like Grandmother said. Obey the golden rule.

Do you know what the golden rule is? Treat others as you want to be treated. This is a very simple rule, but if you want to make (and keep) friends, treat people well and appreciate them. Yes, we meet people who are not very nice sometimes, and not everyone will become our friend. I do not always live up to following this rule, and on occasion I’ve been full of mischief, deliberately trying to aggravate people I take a disliking to. But yes, I know better, and for the most part I try to follow this.

So there you have it. Five tips for making friends in Second Life. There are dozens of more tips, I’m sure, but these are the first five I could think of.

Image note: L-R Marianne Shan, Shauna Vella, Talulah Vella, Magdalena Bing

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